SERMON NOTES: One Plus One Equals One: Making Marriage Mathematics Multiply

INTRODUCTION

'Marriage is an impossible arrangement between two imperfect people' (Dr. Arch Hart).
'The basic cause of divorce is marriage' (Bertrand Russsell, 1921).


Read Matthew 19:1-12

Jesus was coming to Judea for what would be his last time. His popularity was legendary and the opposition to his ministry was increasing in intensity by the day. No doubt the fact that he was coming back in the direction of Jerusalem produced a whole new level of angst for the religious leaders. They were aware that something had to be done to stop this wave of popularity. They sent some representatives to begin to question Jesus. They were not interested in answers as such. They wanted to get him to say something that they could show was in error. This in turn would give them the opportunity to discredit him, better still, arrest him and charge him.

Interesting that they chose the subject of marriage as the one to ask questions about. Usually when you want to get someone to say something that will incriminate them you do your homework and find out what kinds of things they have been saying and you plan to know the answer before it is given. On my reckoning they must have chosen this subject because they knew what Jesus had been saying on this matter. It is possible that we have a record earlier in the gospel of Matthew about marriage, namely the sermon on the mount (Matthew 5-7). In the section on divorce, Jesus quotes a verse from Deuteronomy 24 and then says to all effects that God hates divorce and that most divorces that were happening were happening for reasons that were anything but righteous or compassionate.

The verse from Deuteronomy he quoted said, as follows,

i. 1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance. Deuteronomy 24



In the male dominated middle eastern culture of the first century, divorce had become a problem. Like today marriages were being destroyed for all kinds of pathetic reasons. Unlike today, the main basis for men divorcing their wives was the teaching of many of the religious leaders of today Here is an example from the rabbinical school called the “house of Hilell.”

…but the house of Hillell say, if she burnt his food, or spoiled it by over salting, or over roasting it; and Akiba says, even if he found another woman more beautiful than her or more agreeable to him. John Gill


FROM A FRAMING ATTEMPT TO REVELATION FROM HEAVEN

When these religious leaders came to Jesus to draw him into saying something they could successfully use against him in a religious inquiry, they needed to be able to show that the Bible said one thing and Jesus was saying another. As the dialogue follows, they end up quoting Deuteronomy 24 as the substance of their supposed Biblical position and as the reason why Jesus could not possibly be teaching Biblical truth.

Even the framing of their question betrays the focus of their attention. Listen to the question again and see what the statement is that they are trying to make:

i. “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” ((19:3)

As you are possibly aware, one of the grammatical constructs in the Greek language is the opportunity ask a question, but to ask it in such a way that you are presuming what the answer will be. We have the same thing done in a slightly different way. If we want to presume a positive answer to a question we might say, “You did stay up and see in the Newdidn'tr didn’t you.” So it is with the question asked by the religious leaders. If they were framing it with our language use in mind they would have said,

i. “It is lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason isn’t it?”

It is a very fashionable question when you think that most of us would have someone close to us who has experienced the devastating emotional turbulence that precedes and follows most divorces. Certain sections of the community, not excluding many legislators are quick to point out that around 40% of all marriages can expect to end in divorce. Most Christians I know have a strong commitment to marriage and want marriages to work. Just think of what it must have been like in Jesus’ day to go to church and hear sermons on the fact that Moses “commanded” people to be divorced. He just told them how to be divorced. The sermons in Jesus’ day about divorce simply differed in what they considered the reasonable reasons for writing a statement on a piece of paper saying that you were officially divorcing your wife.

We have often spent far too much time on the questions the Pharisees raised on this occasion. We can argue forever about whether a marriage should end or whether it should end at all. The reasons for this are obvious. Christian people are like everyone else in the community and if Arch Hart is right, it is “an impossible relationship” to begin with and when that is further complicated by the fact that it is being lived out by “two imperfect people” then there are going to be a lot of times when individual Christians can ask themselves whether it is “worth it.” How can a relationship that promises be the same relationship that produces such deep pain. How can the pressures be so deeply felt?

We need to take Jesus’ response as a key indicator as to where our focus should be directed when it comes to these searching questions. Remember that Jesus was asked a question that in our vernacular would have begged a simple “Yes” or “No” answer:

“It is right for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reasons isn’t it?”

It is most likely that Jesus knew they would be referring to a particular interpretation from Deuteronomy, but he chose to ignore it at this point. He responded by pointing their attention to another, earlier part of the Bible: Genesis 2. He actually chastises them for even asking such a question when he says, “Haven’t you read…(Gen. 2:24). By inference he is saying, “If you had read Genesis 2 you wouldn’t be asking that question or making that statement.”

When Jesus is asked about divorce, he responds by switching the attention to marriage. If Jesus were going to reply to Bertrand Russell’s cynicism, 'The basic cause of divorce is marriage' he might well say something like, “The basic problem with divorce is a problem with marriage.” The idea of divorce only has power when the idea of marriage is perverted. Or to take up the Arch Hart observation: Marriage is a supernatural relationship between two imperfect people who have access to perfect and supernatural love, perfect and supernatural forgiveness and perfect and supernatural power. doesn't’s probably the reason why Jesus doesn’t want to waste time arguing whether two lots of dirty dishes or three cases of over-roasting a dinner constitute sufficient reason for divorce.

As soon as you begin to ask the question you have moved from where the heart of God has been focused. The heart of God to embrace imperfect people at the point of their imperfection is as certain as it is unparalleled. The desire of God to pour Holy Spirit power into a struggling marriage relationship is legendary. God’s issue is creating, redeeming, restoring, renewing marriage, not trying to help more people have a happy divorce.

I agree with what Roland Croucher says in an article that you can read on Barnabas Ministries website:

i. I've never met a divorced person who says after the event: 'Hey that was a terrific experience - can't wait to go through that again!' No one thinks divorce is wonderful. No one gets married in order to experience the thrill of divorce.

Divorce is a gut wrenching, emotional roller coaster where at the bottom of every descent the trolley car smashes you into a brick wall before it takes you to the top of the next rise. Divorce is like a death that you never get to grieve over because all the reasons why you got married in the first place are still there, and the family the marriage produced become a set of irreconcilable needs that can never be adequately met.

i. My baptism by fire in ministry happened when Nola and I moved to the inner city suburb of Balmain. One of the things I became involved with up front was a Friday night kids club. I used to ache when the same seven year old girl would sit in the front seat of the bus as I drove them home and say for the third or fourth time in as many months: “We’ve got a new daddy living with us this week.”


No wonder Jesus didn’t want to add to the existing diatribe of the Pharisees and the rabbis trying to figure out when a husband could see his former wife walk out he door with a piece of paper saying that she had officially been divorced and turn to God and anticipate his blessing. The Pharisees solved the problem of an inadequate understanding of marriage with an even less adequate approach to divorce.

TWENTY FIRST CENTURY PHARISEES ARE THE SOCIAL LIBERALS

Our society does exactly the same. In a paper written by David Fawcett (Liberal Wakefield SA) he quotes the astounding figures on where the Commonwealth Government has placed their emphasis when problems have arisen with respect to marriage.

Just as the perception avoids the facts about the strong support for marriage in the community, the statistics hide the true impact of relationship breakdowns. While not seeking to devalue the compelling reasons that lead some couples to separate (and some individuals to never marry in the first place), there is a growing body of evidence that those who work at remaining married have better mental, physical and emotional wellbeing.6 Mental health issues in particular are doubled for divorced men and women as compared to those who remain married.7 The high and rising rate of suicide in Australia also has strong links to the effect of marriage breakdown. Divorced women take their own lives at a rate four times that for married women, while the suicide rate for divorced men is up to three times the rate for married men.8 In the vast majority of cases, both parents and children are also better off financially when the marriage remains intact. AMP and NATSEM highlight the different impacts on men and women with respect to income, equity, debt levels and long-term wealth potential but conclude “From a financial perspective, divorce is a loss-loss outcome.” 9 The taxpayer also suffers when a marriage ends. The Department of Families and Community Services estimates that for an average family with two children, on an average income of $35000, government support rises from $8800 to over $22000 following separation10. In 2001, 53400 children were affected by their parents divorcing. Assuming an average of two children per family, this equates to an additional $352,440,000.00 each year in support provided by the taxpayer. The increase in separation and divorce does not just affect the parents. The Democrats Youth Survey results which were released in August 2005, highlight that the single most important issue of concern to young people (64%) was family matters such as divorce and separation.11 These results correspond closely to the Kids Help Line data sets, which reveal that family relationships (the fear of disputes between parents leading to separation) were the top reason that children sought help.12 The weight of evidence is that across a range of measures, children of parents who divorce do not do as well as those who remain together.13 With up to 1 million Australian children having a natural parent living elsewhere,14 the impacts of divorce are far reaching.
(The Modern Day Family, Whatever It is David Fawcett MLA http://www.davidfawcett.net/ )


Here is a summary of what Jesus DID say about marriage, in answer to a trick question about divorce:

CREATION Marriage is an expression of God’s order in creation. Males and females were created purposefully and lovingly by the God of heaven and earth and a part of that creative potential is to be married
HETEROSEXUAL Marriage is the transcendent relationship created for one male and one female to experience
GOD JOINED Marriage is the joining of a man and a woman by God; separated only by a decision of man, never by a decision of God
NEW and UNIQUE Marriage is a unique new relationship developed beyond the boundariesof every other important human relationship (e.g. parent with child)
ONENESS Marriage is built around the process of two people becoming one


We still want to push the divorce issue rather than the marriage issue

When Jesus finished saying these things, the Pharisees reckoned they had him pinned. They could then quote the verse they had carried with them into the discussion. Like the religious lawyers that they were, they had saved their ammunition up and had hoped to get Jesus into a position where they could slam dunk him with clear references to the text of Scripture. Don’t you love the give away of their description of what Moses had said:


“Why, then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” (19:7)

The religious leaders have erred at a number of points here. Their language gives vent to the deeper attitudes of their hearts. Here are the problem words:

Verse Three: “….any and every reason…”

Verse Seven: “…Moses command…”


What the Pharisees had seen in the words of Deuteronomy and what Jesus saw were two entirely different things. When the Pharisees (and twenty first century Australian society) were looking for was “a way out of marriage when it became too difficult.” They thought they had found it in this verse. The problem with this view is that they had come to the Scriptures with a particular purpose in mind and had interpreted the Bible in the terms of their own sinful desires. They thought Moses was talking about divorce, when really he was talking about what happens when a woman is divorce, marries another man and then is in a position to be re-united with her first husband.[1] The second mistake they made was to infer that Moses was commanding something when he was really permitting something. To command and permit are not the same things.

Jesus justification for his interpretation comes from a very important principle of Biblical interpretation. This is the idea that one part of the Bible does not disqualify another. To take the view that the Pharisees had taken here would mean they would have to basically write off Genesis 1-2. If the Pharisees had taken that journey they may have come up with a revelation of the heart of God about what makes marriage so vitally important rather than finding a sleazy stage door into an even sleazier alleyway of human experience.

Here is a further summary of what Jesus says about marriage based on a combination of Genesis 1-2 and Deuteronomy 24:

i. PERMISSIVE – your hearts are so hard
a. The words of Moses were permissive not primaryThe words were spoken because of the hardness of heart of the people, not because they were seeking God’s best.
b. God was trying to make a bad situation slightly better rather than blowing the whole things away. The idea of the divorce regime was from the surrounding culture, not from anywhere in the revealed purposes of God
ii. HOLISTIC - I want you to see how it really works, especially when you have seen how it can be mucked up. God’s attitude to divorce must be qualified by his attitude to marriage. His provision is directed toward making imperfect people capable of experiencing supernatural grace and power, not in finding them a way to avoid the experience of supernatural grace and power.
iii. REDEMPTIVE If there is to be an approach to divorce, it needs to go by way of a discovery of God’s magnificent obsession with producing the highest form of human relationship.
[1] For a full discussion on this matter refer to the following website: http://www.studylight.org/com/guz/view.cgi?book=de&chapter=024